Nekrogoblikon

• Metal

What happens when you put a bunch of bloodthirsty, music-loving goblins together? Well, a lot of disembowelment, but also a lot of catchy tunes. Formed six millennia ago, and practicing only every other leap year on a full moon, the band has perfected their brand of crushing goblin metal. On a cold, dreary winter night in July of 2006, Nicholas Von Doom and Tim were in the woods engaging in general tomfoolery when they stumbled upon a mysterious cardboard box with their names crudely inscribed with a Sharpie® Permanent Marker. Inside they found a letter handwritten in blood instructing them to write and record an album about the destruction of mankind at the hands of small, hideous creatures. Additionally, it mentioned that failure to complete this task would result in gruesome death. The letter was signed, "goblins". Frightened and still a little buzzed, Nicholas and Tim immediately ran back into their cave and began frantically writing melodies and rhythms using an assortment of straws, whistles, and wooden spoons. The amalgamation of these sounds and Von Doom's indecipherable yelling soon became known to the world as NEKROGOBLIKON. The collection of music created that night was eventually named Goblin Island and was unleashed upon the world on January 1st, 2007. After receiving much Internet acclaim and a couple Grammys, Nicholas and Tim were relieved, assuming the goblins must have been satisfied. However, a couple years later another cardboard box appeared nearby their cave. The goblins wanted more. Not just more music, but more people performing it, more silly instruments being used, and more Sharpies. Tim and Nicholas proceeded to kidnap four strangers and force them to help do the goblins' bidding. After another two years of writing, recording, drinking, and compulsive snacking, the new lineup of NEKROGOBLIKON released their sophomore album STENCH, which garnered them even more accolades. Rolling Stone raved about the album, calling it "the most dazzling album of the year." The LA Times stated "one can't help but be dazzled by STENCH." Even Paul McCartney praised the album, saying "if the degree to which I was dazzled was measured by volumes of water, STENCH would be an ocean." At the goblins' command, NEKROGOBLIKON went on to perform these songs in public for months with the sole purpose of frightening children. This resulted in even further success for the band, eventually leading to them fully enslaving the Internet and being invited to shriek at innocent people at large musical festivals in Europe. "Surely, the goblins must be satisfied by now" thought the band. Weeks later another box appeared... NEKROGOBLIKON is proudly endorsed by Vic Firth, Halo Guitars, The Mountain Clothing, and Sharpie.